So it happened. And in reality it probably sounds better when told in story form. Because thats the way we like to hear things. Our hearts ache for the stories we see portrayed in movies, or written on pages. But its different when I feel the words filling up the pages with each day, each moment I spend with her. And that is where it all begins. This story, anyway. The first of what feels like many.
I just spent the weekend at a wedding with the girl of my dreams. Correction the girl I couldn’t have even conjured in my dreams. And we shook hands, did the introductions, met a few of the childhood friends who I never envisioned her meeting. Not because I didn’t want her to. But because they’re so far removed from my every day life. I don’t know that I could ever adequately explain the emotions I felt being back in that town. And I don’t know that she will ever understand exactly what she did for me going back there. I had given up on ever going back to that place. And not because theres any one particular thing that I can pinpoint as the reason I don’t enjoy returning. But because there is simply nothing there for me. None the less the panic was real. I don’t even think I did a good job masking it before we arrived. She knows me. She knows my heart. And she knew that the nerves were real. Which is what made what happened during this weekend so incredible. Every time I go back to this town I feel that all the eyes are on me. I feel like everyone is waiting for me to ruin something. And thats probably about as conceited a point of view as I could possibly have. To believe that my presence inspires the kind of attention that people can’t help but pay attention, is a pretty narcissistic thought process. But it was very real to me. Simply because more often than not if they did watch long enough I would send something spiraling out of control. But then she did it. She didn’t try, and until this moment she won’t even know that she did anything. But through all the stimulus. Through the whirlwind of people I hadn’t seen in years. The only thing I could see was her. The only thing that mattered was her. I stood across the room, and I looked at her. And I saw every bit of her. The black dress, the curled hair, her eyes, her lips, her hands. But it was more than that. I saw her heart. I saw the strength, the fragility, the warmth, the passion, the tenderness, the emotion, that makes up this fucking masterpiece of a human being that I have fallen as hard as a human being could fall in love with. And as I stared at her, she calmed every storm there was inside of me. She lit my path and guided my feet back to solid ground. And for as long as I live that solid ground is her.
So many times the highlights of my night would be staying out late. Hanging with the guys, ending up in a bar telling stories about other times we ended up in bars. And those were the things I looked forward to. The first chance to act a fool was the only chance I needed. And it would be off to act a fool for me. But not this time. Because my best friend is the one who came with me. There was nothing anyone could have offered me that night that would have come close to taking me away from that girl. We fell in love again with nothing more than a bottle of wine, a deck of cards, and a dinosaur doing his best Michael Jordan impression. She tore me away from reality, and made this little town I grew up in something so much more. She replaced all the anxiety, with love. We could have been anywhere in the world. And my lasting memory of that place will forever be how beautiful that girl. How incredible that weekend was. How confident my love for her is.
Eventually everyone has to go home though. The weekend has to come to an end, and that trip back home comes entirely too quickly. She told me theres something beautiful about missing each other. And I know exactly what she means by that. That our ability to miss each other is a sign of how much we enjoy the time we spend together. But as she steps out of my arms and my heart begins to ache for her. I start to think maybe beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Jokes aside there is a strength to our ability to spend time apart. A level of security necessary to go days at a time without her kissing her lips. But even that level of security doesn’t mean its easy.
This is where typing is starting to feel dicey. This is where for the first time in my life the emotion is almost more than I can handle. The words can’t leave my fingers fast enough. And I feel I can’t ever accurately portray what this girl means to me. But I can try. And as hard as I try the only two words that I can think to say are thank you. Thank you, to her parents, because the woman you raised is the most earth shatteringly amazing person I have ever met in my life. Thank you, to the family that I can feel her love for with every word she speaks of you. That through thick and thin she leans on. That loves her unconditionally as she deserves to be loved. Thank you, to the road that led her here. I can’t thank you enough. It hurts my heart to know what she’s been through. But every twist, and turn led her to me. Every bump in the road that left her feeling bruised shaped this beautiful girl and left her stronger than even she understands. And with all my heart I vow to take her hand and make sure she travels no more of this road alone. To keep her safe as we handle life’s trials and tribulations not for each other, but with each other. Most importantly, Thank you Emily Nicole. For being the calm to my storm. For being the only thing I can see in this crowded room. Thank you, for loving me. For making me a better man. For making me want to find the parts of me that I never thought I was capable of finding. Thank you, for being exactly who you are, for letting me into your heart and trusting me to spend the rest of my life dancing with you around whatever sized pool table we can find. Thank you, for redefining what love is to me. For making such a noticeable impact in who I am that the people that know me can tell instantly how breathtakingly in love with you I am. I am going to spend the rest of my life doing whatever I can to make you the happiest woman in the world. And so thank you in advance for spending the best years of my life with me. For sharing your life with me. And making me the luckiest man alive. I love you Emily. Now, and always.